BEWARE OF YES-MEN

Have you ever taken a close look at the people you are surrounded with? Do they tell you the truth? Or tell you only what you want to hear? If you relate better to the latter, you might be surrounded by a bunch of yes-men.

Who are Yes-Men?

Yes-Men are people-pleasers.

These people agree with everything you say. They could be in your circle of friends or family or colleagues. Regardless of your actual attitude, every single thing you do or don’t do, pleases them and looks good in front of them (mainly because it benefits them in some way or they don’t just want to tell you the truth or your attitude and words tell them you do not want to hear the truth). They never suggest a differing opinion, making you comfortable and safe to do the stupidest things that might lead you off the cliff.

Are Yes- Men dangerous?

I’d say yes.

Their dishonesty can hurt you, hinder your progress and end things in regret.

Even though when expressing ourselves we prefer acceptance to criticism and surround ourselves with people who think like us,we are humans – imperfect, there are times we will be wrong. In life, we will make many mistakes. We’ll make bad choices. And being surrounded by people who do not tell the complete truth doesn’t help.

Don’t get me wrong. Having people who support what you love and do is an integral part of man’s life but having people who can also criticise you with love when it is needed is equally important to your growth.

Yes-Men don’t really care about you; they care about their personal gain. They cannot challenge you or give opposing information or advices, and they even applaud your dumb thoughts and ideas.

They recognize and ignore your weaknesses, thereby making you vulnerable and stagnant.

Conclusion

People who are not afraid to disagree with us are not necessarily jealous of us or ignorant to the topic brought before them. In fact, some disagreements are healthy. Some conflicts, productive. Be a good listener. Do not get used to receiving praises from those around you every single time. Say “no” to yes-men.

To Yes-Men: It is okay to dish out helpful no’s too, if need be (in a gentle manner, of course).

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24 thoughts on “BEWARE OF YES-MEN”

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  3. I find the yes-men in my life are strugglers like me. It’s impossible to decipher everyone’s journey but good to recognize that we all reach different stages at different times. Yes-men give me perspective of where or how I wish to be or don’t wish to be.

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  8. An intriguing post in my opinion. I believe that the human psyche balks at constant criticism even if it makes us better. And I also think that some of our friends are too laid back and happy when they are with us, that most things are a go.
    Granted there are lines at which yes should become, ‘are you sure?’ ‘I don’t think you should'(with friends) but our sanity definitely needs more yeses than nos. This is in regard to the people we know, and who know us.

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      1. Thanks a bunch for reading and leaving such insightful comment.

        I totally see from your perspective. As humans, we love praises better than criticism. But I think the gap is when being honest and being harsh isn’t well-defined. A lot of people think honesty has to be harsh. I disagree. Honesty should encourage, not tear someone down.

        Yes-men will absolutely agree with everything because they don’t want to hurt you.

        Honest people can disagree with you and still not hurt you, rather motivate you.

        For example, where yes-men use ‘exceptional’, honest people will use ‘okay’. Harsh people will use ‘horrible’.

        There just has to be a balance.

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  9. The other side of yes-people, is people like me who sometimes tend to be too honest. Or perhaps it is that I lack discreet tact when calling a friend on bullshit. It takes a strong person to be a friend of mine. And that is no mark of excellency on my part.

    I keep trying to be tactful, but I always fall short of the mark. I have a friend whom I know fights depression. I can tell from the tone of her often prolific emails when she’s spiraling. I try to point out that there may be other views about some awful thing (often finances) that she’s going on about. Or I point out that her mind seems to be spinning on the dark side and that this may have much to do with her lack of sleep…or is her lack of sleep the reason her mind is spinning? It’s a spinning top and hard to tell what is cause and what is effect. Fortunately, she does occasionally see a counselor. But I often wonder how effective those sessions are.

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    1. I love honest people. Being honest is really nice. But it’s a really thin line between being honest and being harsh. It’s good to be honest. It’s better to be gentle about it.

      For example:
      “Oh, this is good but there’s always room for improvement.” This is honesty.

      But yes-men will say, “this is fabulous. It’s fantastic. You did really good” when they know deep down that it’s not but they just want to please the person, hence, make the person contented and not challenged to do better.

      “This is horrible. This is the worst I have ever seen. Did you come up with this? It’s the dumbest ever.” – Now, that’s harsh. Maybe true, but harsh.

      It’s about keeping the balance. We’re humans. We have feelings. And naturally, we want to be praised, rather than condemned or criticised. But when there’s a need for criticism, I don’t think it’ll hurt anyone to be kind about it. Gentle words should be enough.

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